Script Draft No.4
As mentioned in my previous script draft posts, I am now up to the fourth draft of my script. I recently received the following feedback from Simon regarding the third draft of the script:
As we are closely approaching the deadline, Simon mentioned that he wouldn't be able to look at the script as another draft for feedback. Therefore, I took his advice on board and added the following changes:
- Introducing more about John.
- Showing him answer the phone to his mother twice within the narrative. Here, we learn that his
mother is very interested in the theatre and wants to find out the latest updates i.e. who got each
role, etc.
- We then learn that John lives with his mother, as I've added in a section saying 'Yes I'll be home
for dinner'. This adds a sense of comedy to the narrative as he is portrayed as a businessman
however still lives with his mother.
- The purpose of this is so the audience can develop a better understanding as John as a character by
showing that he is very close with his mother. We also learn that she helps him when he tells her
about Chantelle bribing him.
- Re-working the scene between Chantelle and her father.
- The script now shows Chantelle upset once her father leaves.
- Her father is more ignorant and has little interest in his daughter.
- Generally refining of dialogue
- Kate and I got together to alter some parts of the dialogue so that it seems more comedic or to
generally make it seem easier to read.
- Adding in moments where characters also have other jobs, reinforcing that it's an amateur society.
- Jordan moans when Chantelle walks off stage as he doesn't want to be late to work.
- Jamie turns up in his work uniform for his audition.
Below is the fourth draft of the script. This will still be continued to work on up until shoot dates as it is likely Kate and I will face new challenges that may alter the script.
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