What Feedback Did I Receive?
A few weeks back, we also had to hand in our first draft of our story script where we now have feedback on how to improve not just our story but also the script itself. This feedback can be seen below:
I received good feedback with only a couple of problems which were regards to the script formatting and the content of the script. She also mentions not to make my work too melodramatic and instead refer to the harsh grittiness of the war. Below are the changes I made to my script:
- Added extra detail to the archive footage, by saying what exactly the footage will be showing
- Altered the introduction by making it more descriptive to help to set the scene
- Removed the idea of the rose slowly dying. This is mainly because when I filmed I couldn't match
the rose before it died and when it died. As well as this, this may make the film seemed forced
which furthermore reduces the realism of the film.
- Minor tweaks which I made after filming, so that the script shows exactly what the film shows.
Below is my final draft of the script. This has been edited so that it matches my film exactly.
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