Script Draft No.3
As previously mentioned in my other script draft & feedback posts, my script was still in working progress. Below are the notes which I noted from the feedback from Simon:
Here is my 3rd draft of the script. It has faced several minor changes and a few major changes and the script is generally much easier to read in terms of it's description and structure. Some of the changes I made were:
- Generally cutting down the descriptive side of the script.
- For example, removing words such as 'Meanwhile', 'Then' and other connectives, so now the
script says exactly what is happening without any extras to make it seem like a story.
- Adding in subtle narrative aspects to the characters that enable the audience to learn a bit more about their lifestyle.
- For example, Alex's relationship with her ex and why she is into theatre
- Vic seeming caring with Maddie
- Hints that Jordan may actually be homosexual, hence why he isn't satisfied with Chantelle.
- How Chantelle has a very selfish and antagonistic side to her, by making her intimidate John.
- Checking the tenses throughout the script and altering moments to show what the characters are
doing, instead of saying what they're doing.
- For example, instead of saying that Ruby is 'falling in love', we see her convey actions that show
that she is.
- More hints that the documentary crew are there.
- Inviting them to the party scene
- Changing the scene numbers so they are in chronological order, including the timings (i.e. early
afternoon, morning, etc)
Below is my third draft of the script - some parts of the script are in bold so that I know which parts are the bits that have been worked on are.
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