After handing in my first attempt at my script, Simon handed me back my script a few days later with some useful feedback.
Generally, the feedback I received was good - Simon told me that my script successfully portrays emotions and visual story-telling, as well as maintaining a clear and simple storyline. However, he also pointed out a few corrections that I needed to do, such as:
- Sticking to present tense only
- That each character is briefly introduced
- That the actual 'meeting' of my two main characters is weak. To improve this, I needed to focus
more on the relationship between the brothers and include moments of weakness for Tay, and that
he wants to leave the gang.
- Include scene numbers and not to use actual place names as it doesn't help to show and explain the
location.
Therefore I took note of these problems and begun making changes for my second draft!
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